Observation 9/9

Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory makes me happy.

Observation 9/7

Only in staid suffering can any nobility be salvaged from the baseness of self-pity.

Observation 9/5

Nothing alleviates the pain of a long Sunday night spent studying better than warm brownies out of the oven topped with creamy vanilla ice cream.

Observation 8/31

Plato was a remarkably brilliant philosopher whose ideas somehow remain vibrant and true even today in an age radically different from the world he lived and breathed and thought in. The man was truly thought-provoking, the trait perhaps most admirable in all those a man can have.

Still. Plato is not nearly as important or satisfying as Play-doh.

Observation 8/30

I do not like to make blanket statements, because I am a firm believer that there is always an exception defiantly refusing to follow the rules.

However. I hate absolutely every document ever written that includes the word "quantitative" in the title.

Observation 8/29

The Emmys gave an award to the Tony awards for best variety show writing. That is entirely too meta, and possibly nepotistic. Can the Tony awards next year then turn around and award the Emmys for best live stage awards show?

Something is rotten in Awardtown.

Observation 8/25

Looking at pictures of my friends is a smiley sort of way to pass the time.

Observation 8/13

As it turns out, death by Curious George would be a kickass way to go.

Observation 8/11

It is undeniably petty, but having your work be the exemplar for a class is always secretly wonderful.

Observation 8/10

There is nothing more joyous than the first lightning bug of summer, and nothing more melancholy than the last.

Observation 8/8

Man is incapable of accepting his own vast unimportance, and that alone may explain his role as the dominant species.

Observation 8/5

Obese women are significantly less considerate in their clothes-shopping habits than any other demographic.

Observation 7/25

A man playing Bad Romance on an accordion is awesome.

Observation 7/3

The greatest magic can be found in a well-timed pickle.

Observation 6/5

Flea markets are good for the soul. But only for about an hour, and then they become vaguely painful.

Observation 6/3

It's always nice to not be the one getting yelled at.

Observation 5/25

It is hard to fall asleep when a cat is trying to eat your hair.

Obsevation 5/24

Snohomish, Washington may exist in the real world, but it sounds like a place that should be inhabited by Dr. Seuss creations.

Observation 5/10

One of the downsides of our hyper-gadgetized society is that we are often largely immune to imaginary "technology of the future" designed for our amusement and awe in film and popular culture.

We are so accustomed to having almost anything that can be imagined; Bond and his watch phone simply are no longer impressive when we can buy one for ourselves online for $100.

Still, if there is one franchise that continues to be awe-inspiring in its ingenuity in fake technology it must be the Iron Man series. Tony Stark's entire basement workshop is an array of easily-manipulated holograms that allow him to work out problems and throw files away into a holographic basketball hoop. If he does a Google search (something the tech-savvy audience is all-too familiar with), JARVIS instantly consolidates all the pertinent information and presents it to Tony Stark, complete with snarky commentary.

That is a future truly to be excited about.

Observation 5/7

Home is where the heart is.

But if you can't be where it feels like home, being in a place that has a queen size bed and a friendly beagle is okay, at least for a little while.

Observation 5/5

Owning a Mac is like being left-handed.

The world isn't quite suited for your kind, but everyone is willing to accept it. You tend to be more creative than your majority counterparts. And if you find another person like you, you feel like you have an instant bond, since you know what it's like to be just a little different.

Observation 5/2

There is absolutely no reason that the Peer Gynt Suite No. 1 is an amazing piece. It's the same notes over and over again.

Proof that simply getting louder and louder really does make everything better.

Observation 4/26

A hearty huzzah is always appropriate.

Observation 4/21

If ever you feel that something is missing in your life, find a dog that loves you.

Which is to say, find almost any dog with big brown eyes.

Observation 4/20

Good friends make a body feel good.

Observation 4/19

An unnecessary metaphor turns a genius into a douchebag.

Observation 4/15

Art for the sake of art, or, even worse, art for the sake of pure rebellion is pointless and an insult to a society willing to indulge the artist.

Art is useless unless it makes us feel something. It doesn't matter where it comes from or what it looks like; if we connect with something, that is art. And true art is all that matters.

Observation 4/14

There is nothing attractive about a walrus.

Observation 4/13

There is something incredibly compelling about the Rule of 3.

Jokes often rely on the comic rule of three: a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. Rarely are they accompanied by a fourth Buddhist monk.

Our most powerful documents rely on three. Americans believe man has the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We never bothered to include in our version, say, the right to property.

We structure so much of our world around 3, too. There are three branches of government, our favorite movie franchises come in trilogies (can you think of a fourth movie that lived up to the original trilogy before it?)...it's interesting. What is this power that compels us to appreciate that which comes in threes? What makes it so poignant?

Schoolhouse Rock was completely right; three is a magic number.

Observation 4/12

The floor really is a wonderful place to be.

Observation 4/10

I love God. I don't see how anyone couldn't. But He is not as delicious as chocolate-covered coconut.

Observation 4/1

Have you ever thought about how truly bizarre the sense of smell is?

Imagine an alien without the sense of smell coming to our planet and learning about it. Using the same organ that we use to exchange oxygen and carbon dioxide, even humans (one of the weakest species on the planet when it comes to smell) can distinguish, from hundreds of yards away, what is in their vicinity. We can tell from upstairs if it is cookies or bread baking in the oven. We can identify if the goo on our shoe is dog shit or just dirt. We can tell the past of a complete stranger (if the man on the elevator hasn't showered in a few days) and even the future of someone we've never met (an overly-perfumed woman is waiting for a man to come meet her). We can smell if rain is coming and if a person has been in a smoky bar.

Our sense of smell is more impressive than we give it credit for.

Observation 3/29

Rufus is a name that belongs only in comedies, on dog tags, and throughout the Wizarding World.

Observation 3/25

19 is just 18's less cool fraternal twin brother who is only a few minutes older but always makes a big deal about it anyway.

Observation 3/21

Sometimes representatives' speeches in the House make them sound like they're accepting Academy Awards. They spend an awful lot of time thanking people on their staff and people they've worked with.

Just vote already, dammit.

Observation 3/19

The sign for West Lafayette says, "Welcome to West Lafayette: Home of Purdue University." But the sign for Bloomington says, "Welcome to Bloomington: Proud Home of Indiana University."

If that's not proof that only IU is worthy of being proud of, I don't know what is. The city you're in doesn't even like you, Purdue.

Observation 3/10

Spring is intoxicating.

Observation 3/8

My version of hell is a room full of cacti.

Observation 3/5

Sometimes failure is way more fun than success. Particularly when it comes to flying kites.

Observation 3/4

Rhapsody in Blue is actually the best song of all time.

Observation 3/1

More could be achieved towards international unity if we remixed national anthems: the lyrics of one, and the music of another. It's delightful.

Observation 2/24

Johnny Weir is the Lady Gaga of ice skating.

Observation 2/22

Leftover pizza is nom nom nom.

Observation 2/21

Watching Air Force One again, I wonder two things.

1. Why isn't Harrison Ford our president? He's perfect.

2. Why doesn't anyone ever spend hours and hours of pseudo-news cable network time devoted to attacking Harrison Ford for CLEARLY using a teleprompter during his speech?

Observation 2/20

When you can't count for giggling and find that all the luck in the world is against you, anyway, losing Monopoly can be just as much fun as winning.

Observation 2/19

One of the multitude of birds who has inspiringly decided that spring is nigh sounded exactly like one of the old-school Space Invaders video games, "Ptoo, ptoo!" this morning.

Observation 2/18

I'm fairly certain Pringles are more addictive than crack.

Observation 2/17

Who needs facts when you have bribes?

Observation 2/16

I sincerely hope that the people who invented Latisse, the eyelash-lengthening medication, did so on accident. I would no longer like to live in a world where research funds are devoted to finding out how to make women's eyelashes longer.

Observation 2/15

Listening to the medal counts at the end of the day is always one of the best parts of the Olympics, simply because America almost always is leading. Despite what we say about unity and globalization, there is something satisfying about winning, even if we average Americans had absolutely nothing to do with it, if we didn't even watch the damn games. Just being able to say, "HA! America is awesome" makes the Games even more fun.

Observation 2/10

There is so much funny in this world.

Observation 1/27

The question "Who is the best band of all time?" comes up often enough from enough different sources that it seems worth considering. There are certainly plenty of candidates, and it makes for a lively discussion.

But it's almost impossible to come up with a convincing argument for anyone to be better than the Beatles. The group popularized the modern idea of rock, by far the most prolific and popular genre in history (barring the conventions of so-called "classical" music, which admittedly hung around in various incarnations pretty successfully for a few thousand years). The Beatles are responsible for the idea of a "pop" song at all: something catchy that shows up on the radio and makes people want to dance and sing along.

They were also incredibly diverse in their stylings: unlike many other bands that invariably come up in the "best band" discussion, the Beatles bothered to explore their own imaginations and see what came out (admittedly with the help of psychadelics, but so it goes). And wonderfully enough, those experiments often produced genius, "Octopus's Garden" notwithstanding.

Most astonishingly of all, the band broke up nearly 40 years ago (an astonishingly long time for music, when Billboard Charts change completely in a matter of weeks), and their music is still enjoyed by millions. They've even become the inspiration for truly fantastic film (Across the Universe) somehow became a video game (Beatles Rock Band is one of the most fantastic things ever created by man).

Who could compete?

Observation 1/21

Being lonely is really, really lonely.

Observation 1/17

In its own way and by the transitive property, Crown Point brought about national Anti-Drug campaigns.

Ronald Reagan married his first wife, Jane Wyman, in the Crown Point "marriage mill." If he didn't marry her, he wouldn't have realized how great Nancy was. Nancy Reagan played a major role in the War on Drugs.

Point made.

Observation 1/3

The best compliment I've ever received was when someone expressed the desire to see the way I think. I think the most gratifying compliment in the world is just that; someone finds the work you manifest so worth his or her while that they not only want to see more of the similar product but how that product was produced. It's like seeing a toy and wanting to go to the factory rather than get another one like it, perhaps in the hope that you could make one yourself.

It's also mildly terrifying and possibly insulting: there's a fearful possible assumption that what you have created is so out of the ordinary that another person wants to see how you did it because he/she is confused by its creation.

Observation 1/1

I've always been partial to the sidekick, particularly when the hero loves their sidekick, too. I will always want to watch Watson more than Holmes, but I wouldn't if Holmes didn't need Watson so much. They're pretty much the original buddy cop team.